My Holy Book

how to live:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

— Mary Oliver

Life and How to Survive It (according to Mr. Tan)

From a wise and very funny Singaporean. (Thanks Sandra Yu for the tip)

“Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.”

Meyers Briggs to calm the soul.

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally “doers” as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious “soul mates.”

While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent “givers.” As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood — particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type.

For instance, there can sometimes be a “tug-of-war” between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the “inspirational” professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields.

Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of “hard logic”, and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* — the dominant function for the INFJ type — which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much “systems builders” as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ “systems” are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually “blurrier” than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted — yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

When I’m working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

—R. Buckminster Fuller
“Stop over analyzing” 
“Getting lost will help you find yourself”“Stop over analyzing” 
“Getting lost will help you find yourself”

“Stop over analyzing” 

“Getting lost will help you find yourself”

“The solution to irrational fear isn’t to adopt positive thinking and try to overwrite the fear with affirmations. That’s just dumb. The real solution is to turn on our wonderful brains and dive more deeply into our fears in order to really understand them. Underlying irrational fears are irrational assumptions about reality. Once we can see this clearly, it’s natural and normal to simply drop those irrational assumptions altogether. So the big problem with fear is that it’s based on an inaccurate model of reality. If we could perceive reality accurately, we would be much less afraid.”

“When fear gets out of the way, then a positive emotional state becomes the norm. Not neutral – positive. This is the state of joy, where you go through your days feeling ridiculously happy, highly motivated, and passionately driven by the desire to serve others… and for no apparent reason. […]

One of the most difficult problems is that fear has become such an integral component of life on earth these days. When people are afraid, they’re easy to manipulate. They can be controlled by pulling on their fear strings. Stirring up fear is an effective way to induce action because deep down, we all desire to be unafraid, so the elimination of fear is a powerful incentive for spending. There are more positive reasons for spending money too, but too many companies today are aligned with this fear model. This is particularly true in the USA, where our media is largely devoted to stirring up fear and then using it to shape public opinion in a manner that drives sales for the companies of greatest influence.

Part of the reason people use fear to manipulate others is that they mistakenly believe it will help them assuage their own fears. A common way of dealing with fear is to try to control that which you fear. But this only perpetuates and strengthens fear in the long run, so more and more control is needed. This happens at the individual level as well as the community level. For example, fear is one of the driving forces behind how the USA deals with the rest of the planet. This country’s strategy is based on achieving greater and greater control in order to assuage the fears of its citizens. For non-Americans this is easier to see, but there are those of us in this country who recognize the severity of this problem and are working to change it. In the long run, I believe the control strategy will ultimately fail. It just isn’t necessary for human beings to relate to each other this way any longer. We’re going to have to let it go.”

Self-Realization: An Ecological Approach to Being in the World.

“What I want to achieve - what I have been striving and pining to achieve these thirty years -is self-realization, to see God face to face, to attain Moksha (Liberation). I live and move and have my being in pursuit of that goal. All that I do by way of speaking and writing, and all my ventures in the political field, are directed to this same end.”

This sounds individualistic to the Western mind. A common misunderstanding. If the self Gandhi is speaking about were the ego or the ‘narrow’ self (‘jiva’) of egocentric interest, the ‘ego-trips’, why then work for the poor? It is for him the supreme or universal Self - the atman - that is to be realized. Paradoxically, it seems, he tries to reach self-realization through ‘selfless action’, that is, through reduction of the dominance of the narrow self or the ego. Through the wider Self every living being is connected intimately, and from this intimacy follows the capacity of identification and as its natural consequences, practice of non-violence. No moralizing is needed, just as we need not morals to make us breathe. We need to cultivate our insight:

“The rockbottom foundation of the technique for achieving the power of non-violence is belief in the essential oneness of all life.”

Historically we have seen how nature conservation is non-violent as its very core. Gandhi says:

“I believe in advaita (non-duality), I believe in the essential unity of man and, for that matter, of all that lives. Therefore I believe that if one man gains spirituality, the whole world gains with him and, if one man fails, the whole world fails to that extent.”

[…]

But if we do something we should do according to a moral law, but do it out of inclination and with pleasure - what then? Should we then abstain or try to work up some displeasure? Not at all, according to Kant. If we do what morals say is right because of positive inclination, then we perform a beautiful act. Now, my point is that perhaps we should in environmental affairs primarily try to influence people towards beautiful acts. Work on their inclinations rather than morals. Unhappily, the extensive moralizing within environmentalism has given the public the false impression that we primarily ask them to sacrifice, to show more responsibility, more concern, better morals. As I see it we need the immense variety of sources of joy opened through increased sensitivity towards the richness and diversity of life, landscapes of free nature. We all can contribute to this individually, but it is also a question of politics, local and global. Part of the joy stems from the consciousness of our intimate relation to something bigger than our ego, something which has endured through millions of years and is worth continued life for millions of years. The requisite care flows naturally if the `self is widened and deepened so that protection of free nature is felt and conceived as protection of ourselves.

Academically speaking, what I suggest is the supremacy of environmental ontology and realism over environmental ethics as a means of invigorating the environmental movement in the years to come. […] We certainly ned to hear about our ethical shortcomings from time to time, but we more easily change through encouragement and through deepened perception of reality and of our own self.

________________

excerpted from Arne Naess, 1986

Perhaps we cannot raise the winds. But each of us can put up the sail, so that when the wind comes we can catch it.

E. F. Schumacher 

(August 16th, 1911 — Sept 4th, 1977)

You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

—Mahatma Gandhi
Wendell Berry haunts me wherever I go.Wendell Berry haunts me wherever I go.

Wendell Berry haunts me wherever I go.

Genius isn’t who we are but a power that comes to visit, not always to stay…

A vision without a task is a dream.
A task without a vision is drudgery.
A vision and a task are the hope of the world.

Advice for women leaders:

1) Sit at the table — don’t underestimate yourself. advocate for yourself.

2) Make your partner a real parter — you and your partner should shoulder equal parts of responsibilities in the home. (couples that divide housework more equally and have similar incomes also have more sex…)

3) Don’t leave before you leave — even if you think you want to have children and a family someday, don’t “quietly lean back.” Push forward until the minute you’re actually going to step away.

Friendship IXX by Khalil Gibran

And a youth said, “Speak to us of Friendship.”

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

To be whole, let yourself break.
To be straight, let yourself bend.
To be full, let yourself be empty.
To be new, let yourself wear out.
To have everything, give everything up.

Knowing others is a kind of knowledge;
knowing yourself is wisdom.
Conquering others requires strength;
conquering yourself is true power.
To realize that you have enough is true wealth.
Pushing ahead may succeed,
but staying put brings endurance.
Die without perishing, and find the eternal.

To know that you do not know is strength.
Not knowing that you do not know is a sickness.
The cure begins with the recognition of the sickness.

Knowing what is permanent: enlightenment.
Not knowing what is permanent: disaster.
Knowing what is permanent opens the mind.
Open mind, open heart.
Open heart, magnanimity.

—Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching